Choosing the right spiritual
environment (Shabbos 51)
After his brother died in Ur Kasdim,
Avraham took his nephew Lot under his wing.
Treating him as if he were his own son, they travelled together to the
Land of Canaan. In Avraham and Sarah’s
home, Lot developed his character traits, including his dedication to
hospitality. Eventually, however, as a
result of a rift between their shepherds, Lot parted company from Avraham, and
chose to settle in Sodom. Even there, however,
he continued to live by the ideals he had learned in our patriarch’s home.
And so when the two men – later, he
discovered they were angels – appeared on his doorstep, he did not hesitate to
invite them inside, despite the protestations of the townsfolk. It wasn’t easy,
the commotion outside grew ever louder.
The mob pounded on his door, demanding the blood of the visitors. Lot was undeterred. “Behold, I have two unmarried daughters. I shall let them out. Do unto them as is pleasing in your
eyes. But please do not do anything to
harm these men who have arrived to take shelter under my roof.”
Does that make any logical
sense? On the one hand, Lot was
concerned for the safety and welfare of his unfamiliar visitors. On the other
hand, he was willing to sacrifice his own flesh-and-blood to the mob
outside! What was he thinking?
אֲמַר לֵיהּ רַב נַחְמָן
לְדָרוּ עַבְדֵּיהּ: וְאַיְיתִי לִי מַיָּא דְּאַחֵים קַפִּילָא אֲרַמָּאָה.
שְׁמַע רַבִּי אַמֵּי וְאִיקְּפַד. אֲמַר רַב יוֹסֵף: מַאי טַעְמָא אִיקְּפַד?
דְּאָמַר רַב שְׁמוּאֵל בַּר רַב יִצְחָק אָמַר רַב: כֹּל שֶׁהוּא נֶאֱכָל כְּמוֹת
שֶׁהוּא חַי — אֵין בּוֹ מִשּׁוּם בִּשּׁוּלֵי גּוֹיִם. (הוּא) סָבַר אָדָם
חָשׁוּב שָׁאנֵי
אדם חשוב שאני - שהרואה
אותו שהוא מיקל עומד ומיקל יותר
Rav Nacḥman said to Daru, his servant: Bring me water that a heated by a
non-Jew, as the prohibition to eat food cooked by a non-Jew does not apply to
water. When Rabbi Ami heard this, he expressed concern. Rav Yosef said: What is
the reason for his concern? Indeed, Rav Shmuel bar Rav Yitzcḥak quoted Rav:
Anything that may be consumed raw is not subject to the prohibition of bishul
akum (food cooked by non-Jews). Since water is commonly drunk unheated, one may
drink it even if it was boiled by a non-Jew. Nevertheless, Rabbi Ami felt
that an important person is different (and should maintain a higher standard).
Rashi: For one who sees him being lenient will get up and be even more
lenient.
Every single one of our actions impacts not only our own spiritual lives
but the lives of those around us as well.
Just as we have people we look to as our spiritual examples, we all have
people who look to us as examples. Most
of the time, we’re not even aware of our ‘followers’. And on the flipside, we are often unaware of
who we are following. We unconsciously
adjust our behaviour based on the actions of those around us. Therefore, the best way to maintain and maximize
one’s spiritual success is to situate oneself in an environment of peers who
have the same spiritual goals.
Rabbi Yosef Hurwitz (242) discusses the importance of keeping good
company. Inevitably, we are all
influenced by those around us. Even if
you believe you are leading the way and providing positive spiritual leadership
to those with whom you keep company, your environment is bound to have an
effect on your personal behaviour and outlook.
Think about a pet dog, says Rabbi Hurwitz. It walks down the road
believing it is leading the way. In
fact, if Martians landed, they too would assume the dog was leading its
human. After all, which one is in front
and which is behind? Of course, as we
all know, the owner has the ability to redirect the dog at any moment. Likewise, we may think that we are leading
the way amongst our peers, without realizing that we are being directed along a
certain path by others who are leading from the rear.
In the Shema, we read, “You shall teach them to your children and speak of
them as you sit at home and when you go along the way, and when you lie down,
and when you rise.” Rabbi YN Kornitzer
explains that the Torah is demonstrating that our conduct throughout the day
serves as a continuous lesson to our ‘children.’ Children, in this context, as Rashi reminds
us, does not refer only to biological offspring. Rather, any Torah disciple becomes your
spiritual child. The net result of these
two teachings is that you are constantly on show with the power to influence
your spiritual children.
Lot knew what a charitable and hospitable individual he was. He thought of himself as spiritually head and
shoulders above the moral decadence of Sodom.
After all, he lived by the values he’d been brought up with in Avraham
and Sarah’s home. In many ways, he saw
himself as a role model for the people of Sodom. At the same time, however, he didn’t notice
that their moral values had slowly seeped into his psyche, to the extent that
we look at his actions with shock horror.
The lifestyle in Sodom was so ‘normal’ that the irony and hypocrisy of
his behaviour was entirely lost on him.
And sadly, we need only look to the next chapter to see how such contemptible
moral attitudes had affected his children.
We are all products of multiple elements, from nature to nurture to the
decisions we’ve made consciously, as well as the heavenly opportunities we’ve
been blessed with. One of the most
important decisions in life you get to make is the question of
environment. Once you’ve made that
decision, however, much of what happens is path dependent on that initial
choice. Many of the values and patterns
of behaviour that you and your family members live by will be dictated by the
norms of your social circle. You and
your children will observe the actions of those around you, and whether
consciously or unconsciously, adjust your behaviour accordingly.
Choose the environment that will provide you with the best chance to live
by the values you seek to embody. Once you’ve made the right environmental
decision, all subsequent bridges will be much easier to cross. May you forever aspire to values that are
consistent in the eyes of your loved ones, your peers, your acquaintances,
Hashem, and most importantly, yourself!
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