Elisha ben Avuya was one of our
greatest Talmudic sages. But, alas, he
eventually became a heretic. Born into a prestigious Jerusalem family, he was an
extraordinary scholar who delved deep into the secrets of Kabbalah. Ultimately,
however, Elisha rejected his Torah upbringing and chose a life of waywardness. What was the cause of his downfall? Once, he saw a pig dragging along Rabbi Yehuda’s
tongue in its mouth. He became so disturbed at the sight that he exclaimed,
“From this tongue, pearls of purest light would come forth all his days. Is
this Torah, and is this its reward?”
Another time, he watched as a
fellow asked his son to climb a tree, send away the mother bird and take the
eggs. On the way down, a snake bit him and the young man died. Elisha thought
to himself, “The Torah promises that one who sends away the mother bird will
live long. The Torah promises that one who respects his parents will live
long. And yet the man who acted in
accordance with both of these commandments had his life cut short.” Thus, he stopped
believing in Torah.
Elisha ben Avuya was once seen
riding a horse in front of the Holy Temple on Yom Kippur. As he was passing, he
heard a heavenly voice emerge from the Holy of Holies and declare, “Return My children,
except for Elisha ben Avuya, for he knew My power and yet rebelled against Me.” Upon hearing the voice, he concluded that
there was no hope for his lost soul.
דִּתְנַן: אִם הָיָה
רְקָק מַיִם וּרְשׁוּת הָרַבִּים מְהַלֶּכֶת בּוֹ, הַזּוֹרֵק לְתוֹכָהּ אַרְבַּע
אַמּוֹת — חַיָּיב. וְכַמָּה הוּא רְקָק מַיִם — פָּחוֹת מֵעֲשָׂרָה טְפָחִים.
וּרְקָק מַיִם שֶׁרְשׁוּת הָרַבִּים מְהַלֶּכֶת בּוֹ, הַזּוֹרֵק לְתוֹכוֹ אַרְבַּע
אַמּוֹת — חַיָּיב. בִּשְׁלָמָא ״רְקָק״ ״רְקָק״ תְּרֵי זִימְנֵי, חַד בְּימוֹת
הַחַמָּה וְחַד בִּימוֹת הַגְּשָׁמִים. וּצְרִיכָא, דְּאִי אַשְׁמְעִינַן בְּימוֹת
הַחַמָּה, דַּעֲבִידִי אִינָשֵׁי לְקָרוֹרֵי נַפְשַׁיְהוּ, אֲבָל בִּימוֹת
הַגְּשָׁמִים — אֵימָא לָא. וְאִי אַשְׁמְעִינַן בִּימוֹת הַגְּשָׁמִים, אַגַּב
דְּמִטְּנִיף מִקְּרֵי וְנָחֵית, אֲבָל בִּימוֹת הַחַמָּה — לָא. צְרִיכָא
We learned in a Mishnah: If there was a pool and the public domain passes
through it, one who throws an object into it at a distance of four cubits is
liable just like anyone who carried four cubits in the public domain. And how
deep is this pool? It is less than ten handbreadths. And with regard to a pool
that the public domain passes through it, one who throws four cubits into the pool
is liable. It is possible to explain that
pool pool was repeated twice; one case is referring to the summer, and one case
is referring to the winter. And both cases are necessary. Had the mishna told
us only about summer, we would have said that since people pass
through the pool to cool themselves, it is considered part of the public
domain. However, in the winter, when people don’t cool down in the
pool, I would have said it is not part of the public domain. And
conversely, had the mishna told us only about the winter, I would have said
that since he is muddy anyway, one tends to be less cautious and enters into
the pool. However, in the summer, when he is not dirty with mud, I would
have said that it is not part of the public domain. Therefore, it was necessary.
When two people are in a
relationship, whether they are spouses, siblings, colleagues, or neighbours,
disagreements are inevitable. Our Sages
tell us that just like no too people have the same face, no two people have the
same viewpoints. Sometimes these
disagreements can heat up. For those
situations, you need to have coping mechanisms to cool down. You could go to the gym. You could meditate. You could pray. You could take a bath. You might even need to sleep on it. Everyone has their own personal way to cool
down. Once you’re cool and level-headed,
you can then approach the conflict in a reasonable manner and be able to reach
a resolution.
But sometimes, conflicts get out of
hand. We let things get so sour that we
reach a point of apparent no return.
You’ve headed so far down the path of conflict that you have stopped
getting angry. Your interactions have
turned cold. In place of aggression you
display passive aggression. And in the
‘winter’ season, the cold period, there is no cooling down mechanism, no getting
into the ‘pool,’ because you’re already cold. At that point, it’s really challenging to get
things back on track.
But that’s still tame, compared to
the next stage, when the relationship is at danger level. In the words of the Gemara, it can reach a
point when you feel so muddy already that a little more mud won’t make a
difference. And so you treat the other
person with disdain and feel no guilt over your actions. You’re so far down a certain path that even
though you know what you’re doing is wrong, you excuse your behaviour. What’s a little more mud on your
clothing? It makes no difference at this
stage.
The same goes for our relationship
with Heaven. If you’re angry at Hashem
for something that’s happened in your life, you need to find ways to cool
down. You could recite Tehillim. You could learn Torah. You could seek spiritual guidance. All of these responses are coping mechanisms
and it’s important to find something that works for you. Just like with our human relationships, if
you let your anger fester, it will only get worse.
And when things go down the wrong spiritual
path, they likewise tend to get worse by getting colder, not warmer. The more we harbour ill-will towards Hashem,
the less inclined we’ll be to continue the conversation with Him. We’ll do what we have to, but really can’t be
bothered to put any heart into it. And
then the colder we are towards our Father in Heaven, the more our spiritual
service feels like we’re acting by rote.
That’s passive aggression.
Not long after that, sadly, is the
stage when the mud starts to gather. You
act contrary to His will once. And
twice. And before you know it, you
perceive that there’s so much mud that it doesn’t really make a difference
anymore. You’re probably too far gone by
now . . .
It’s time to break free of the negative
path dependency. The choice to alter the
course that you are on is yours! You can
mend those relationships with your fellow human beings and with the
Almighty. It means shaking off the
mud. It means engaging
meaningfully. Not aggressively. Not passively. But assertively. It takes effort, but every challenging
situation can be turned around if you’re willing to try.
When Elisha ben Avuya heard the
voice, he convinced himself that there was no point even thinking about turning
his life around. At that point, he gave
up. But that was a choice. He became known for all eternity by the
nickname ‘Acher’ – the person who turned his back on God. Because there’s no prize for giving up. That’s what most people end up doing. Unwilling to do what it takes, they just call
it a day.
In life, the vast majority of
people are quitters. The successful
individuals are the people who were willing to turn things around in the depths
of despair, when anyone else would have just given up. You are not a quitter. You are a person of success. May you always be prepared to shake off the
mud and reignite the passion in your physical and spiritual relationships!
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