Brachos
11
Rabbi
Tarfon was once travelling from Jerusalem to Lod. In ancient times, travelling alone was
dangerous – there was risk of attack by highwaymen. When you were ready to take a trip, you would
stand by the side of the road and wait for a group of travelers, a caravan.
Prior to
the building of the VFT between Jerusalem and Tel Aviv, the journey to Lod
would take a couple of days. But the
caravan would keep going as long as the members could muster the strength,
oftentimes many hours into the night.
Rabbi Tarfon, however, found himself in a quandary: upon nightfall, he
had become obligated to recite the evening Shema. Should he take the risk and stop to daven, if
that meant dropping out of the caravan?
Mishnah: Beis Shamai says: Each evening
a person should lie down and recite the Shema.
And in the morning, he should stand up, as the verse states, “when you
lie down and when you rise.” Beis Hillel says: Each person should read it as he
regularly would, as it states, “when you go on the way.”
Gemara: Rav Nacḥman bar Yitzcḥak
taught: One who acts in accordance with the opinion of Beis
Shamai is deserving of death, as we learned: Rabbi Tarfon
said: I was coming on the road when I stopped and reclined to
recite the Shema in accordance with the statement of Beis
Shamai. Yet in so doing, I endangered myself due to the
highwaymen who accost travelers. The Sages said to him: You
deserved to be in a position where you were liable to pay with
your life, as you transgressed the statement of Beis Hillel!
What was Rabbi Tarfon thinking when he lay
down to recite the Shema and had to leave the caravan? Rabbi Tarfon’s calculation, no doubt, was
that by doing it Beis Shamai’s way, he was fulfilling both opinions, and he was
willing to do that no matter the consequences.
The Rabbis response to him was: you’re acting foolishly if you’re
risking your life to do an unnecessarily pious act!
It’s a rare occasion that we’re expected to
put everything on the line to maintain our connection with Hashem. Serving Heaven is meant to be a favourable experience. That doesn’t mean that it’s easy –things in
life that come too easy tend to have little value. The performance of mitzvos should be both
challenging and, at the same time, satisfying.
If it feels like you’re risking your life to stay in a relationship with
G-d, you’re probably trying too hard and you just need to relax.
How do we
balance the dual requirements of challenge and enjoyment? If you open up a Shulchan Aruch (Code of
Jewish Law), you’ll find that most halachos (laws) have a letter-of-the-law
mandate and then a more stringent opinion.
Why? Because we’re all different. Some of us will be able to excel in one area
of mitzvah observance, while others will be champions in other areas. Beyond the basic law, it’s not a
one-size-fits all. If you’re finding
that mitzvah observance is ‘strangling’ you, first things first, you need to
check whether you’re choking on actual halachos or chumros (stringencies). What works for one person in terms of
self-sacrifice and chumra will not work for another person. Yes, you need to break yourself and your
character a little for G-d, but not to the extent that you feel as if you’re hanging
off the edge of the cliff.
Hashem
loves you dearly. He gave you mitzvos to
enhance your relationship with Him.
Mitzvos are a mark of love between you and Him. If you’re not enjoying their performance, you
need to ask yourself what you’re doing wrong.
Your relationship with Heaven should be a joy!
The same is
true of the spousal relationship. If
coming home to your spouse feels like the hardest, most challenging, task of
the day, you’re clearly doing something wrong.
If every word you breathe, every move you make, feels like you’re
walking on eggshells, you’re trying way too hard. If that sounds like your relationship, somewhere
along the road things have gone awry.
Marriage should
be the most exhilarating experience in life.
When it’s working the way it should be, it carries all the challenges of
life on its back, as you have a life-partner to share everything with! If your marriage is not the most wonderful
aspect of your life, it’s time to figure out why not. Discuss it with your partner. Don’t be afraid to seek outside
guidance. It should never feel like a
burden. Till 120, you want to be running
home to see your spouse with the most incredible feeling of excitement and exhilaration!
Nobody is
forcing you to be in a relationship with Hashem or your spouse. You’ve chosen it because when you do it
right, it’s the most awesome experience!
May those relationships forever be the most fun, enjoyable, and
fulfilling aspects of your life!
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